Wednesday, July 23, 2008
So, first a little background. I come from a huge extended family. And the majority of them got married young and had babies. But, because my parents got college educations and wanted me and my sister and brother to be successful and go places, I did not follow this path. I went to college and then grad school and took my time finding Mr. Right. I also got a great career along the way and became quite successful at what I do. So, I found myself at the age of 31 ready to have kids, while my enormous clan of cousins was working on their 3rd and 4th and then some. So, long story short, I have successfully evaded the "when are you having kids" question for quite sometime. However, as soon as I got married (10 years after everyone else was married) the questions came fast and furious.
As luck would have it, I don't see my extended family much anymore, so I have not had to face the dreaded question from them since we started trying. But just a few weeks ago, we had to attend my grandmother's 90th birthday in my hometown and I knew that I would be dodging around the kid issue. So, my husband and I tried to come up with some smart answers to come back with when my relatives took it upon themselves to stick their noses into our personal business. Here are a few we came up with (keep in mind, these are so totally not serious):
1. No, we don't want kids, they won't let them into our favorite bar.
2. We would love kids, but the restraining order has to be lifted first.
3. No, we're not going to have any kids, they're too sticky.
4. We forgot to give the stork our address.
I think our favorite was the sticky one.
Anyway, I was all prepared. I had my defenses up. I imagined I would be brutally honest and throw our difficulties in everyone's faces and make them feel bad or I would defend my worthiness as an independent, happy, educated, successful career woman who didn't need children to define myself, but I folded. I got exactly 5 kid questions. They were all innocent and well meaning (which made me feel even worse about it for some reason). I hemmed and hawwed around the question: "oh, no, not yet" "maybe someday" "well, you, know it doesn't always work for everyone" etc. etc. Until one of my cousins asked me and I said "no, I think we are just going to get a dog."
What are your favorite answers to the "kid" question?
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Thanks to all of you who commented on my previous post. It is certainly a complicated issue, and I truly wish the "pregnant man" and his family well, but as many of you commented, it still jabs me in the IF. And as others commented, it does make me feel a little bit like a failure.
So, I need something to blog about. My other blog is where I write about my normal, everyday life, but this blog was supposed to be strictly about our struggles to start a family. Because we have been "taking it easy" and "taking time off" from actively trying, I've found my mind is not as occupied with babies as much as it was. Which is good and what we wanted. But, now I need to think of things to write about here on this blog. If I keep with the theme of this blog, I guess it should be infertility, family, etc. related.
Here are a few ideas I had. Some things/issues that I have been thinking of lately.
1. deciding if IF treatment is right for us (we're not sure we want to pursue treatment)
2. deciding to pursue treatment or just let the chips fall where they may
3. (a variation on the same theme) deciding that our lives will be ok without kids if that is what our future holds
4. thinking about adoption
5. How to respond to people's questions about having kids, without getting defensive or punching them in the face
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
So, the so-called "pregnant man" apparently gave birth to a baby girl. I don't know why this story pokes at my infertility like it does. I was particularly struck by the following paragraphs from an article in Slate Magazine
From Slate Magazine:
Beatie's transformation began a decade ago. "Sterilization is not a requirement for sex reassignment, so I decided to have chest reconstruction and testosterone therapy but kept my reproductive rights," he explained recently in the Advocate. "Reproductive rights" was a euphemism for his uterus and ovaries. "I actually opted not to do anything to my reproductive organs because I wanted to have a child one day," he told Oprah Winfrey in April.
For eight years, Beatie didn't menstruate. Then, two years ago, "I stopped taking my bimonthly testosterone injections," he recalls. "My body regulated itself after about four months, and I didn't have to take any exogenous estrogen, progesterone, or fertility drugs to aid my pregnancy." Meanwhile, his beard kept growing.
First of all, "he" had been taking testosterone for 8 years and it only took him 4 months for his cycles to return to normal after he stopped!!!! I'm working on 2 years off of bcp and I still don't feel like my cycles are back to "normal." And then he didn't even need any hormones or drugs to help him get pregnant or maintain his pregnancy? AND got pregnant with one try?
Secondly, what the hell are "reproductive rights." Do all women have the RIGHT to reproduce? What about those of us who can't? Does that mean nature or whatever, took our "rights" away for some reason?
I don't know, this story is obviously complicated, but I kinda think that if you don't want to be a woman any more and are trying to physically change your body so you have an enlarged clitoris that acts like a penis and your breasts are gone, that you have sort of decided to give up your "right" to have a child naturally. I mean, part of being a man means that you cannot bear children right?
What do you think? Does this bother anyone else?