Friday, November 21, 2008

Nothing is better than Something....in some cases

Welcome all from ICLW! I've done this a couple times before and each time I get better at it. I haven't made it through a whole week consistently yet, but I always appreciate the little I do. One of these days I will find it in myself to be an iron commentor....maybe....

Anyway, as to the meaning of my subject line. Lately I have been grateful that nothing has happened for us so far on the TTC front. We've been "trying" more or less for over 2 years now and we've never had one BFP or false BFP or a miscarriage or anything. And as frustrating and disappointing as that has been, I am grateful.

I am grateful because I am currently watching one of my dearest friends in the world go through two miscarriages in the last year and it is so hard. She is a wreck and I am a wreck for her. And though I kinda appreciate having a dear friend to talk to about IF (as opposed to all my other dear friends who seemingly have gotten pregnant time and time again without any thought and now have beautiful children) my heart aches for her and I am grateful I haven't had to go through "something."

In my mind, having something happen in the TTC world only to have it taken away from you, to have your hopes dashed so abrasively, is much worse than to just have nothing happen month after month. For me, nothing gives me more hope. Maybe I am just fooling myself. Maybe my friend has more hope. After all, at least she knows she CAN get pregnant. She just needs to figure out how to make it stick. Maybe I'm just avoiding the inevitable. Maybe nothing is nothing right?

All I know is that I think my friend is brave and courageous and going through something that I don't know I could face as well as she has.

What do you think? Did you feel better or worse before you knew there was something wrong?

9 comments:

Andrea said...

I agree, I am grateful that I never had to deal with a loss. My heart breaks every time I see another IF girl go through it.

chicklet said...

I couldn't take it if it was given to me then taken away - couldn't take it at all. As for the knowing, I'm grateful to know a little re what's wrong (even though there's not much wrong) cuz when we know NOTHING, it drove me absolutely crazy.

The Wright's said...

i can completely relate. actually, i was just talking to dh about this the other day. we have also been ttc for just over 2 years, and i don't think i could handle losses. at least without success, you can still have some level of free-flying hope. with losses mixed in there, i don't know that it would be possible to allow the hope to creep in...mostly as a defense mechanism.

anyway, here from iclw and looking forward to reading more!

Christina from http://unquestionablelove.blogspot.com

K @ ourboxofrain said...

Honestly, I think it sucks either way. I used to think that the lack of a diagnosis/explanation in either case was the worst, but I think it's just as bad for those with diagnoses that don't have any easy treatment option. And even those diagnoses with an easy treatment option usually are still filled with uncertainty. In the end, I think IF and loss, together or separately, are just really hard.

Sam said...

Hmmm, I don't know. I think that I always feel better once I know WHAT is wrong so that I can then attempt to do something about it rather than not knowing and imagining all sorts of horrible things!

lilyolil said...

I'm not sure . . . but I think that maybe nothing (w/no explanation) is pretty darn hard. I never miscarried either, so I don't know what that would have been like. This reminds me of the sudden death (shock for everyone) v. a long, protracted illness kind of death debate - ugh, this is too depressing!

Elana Kahn said...

The doctors could never figure out why we couldn't get pregnant. They'd find little things, but nothing that would actually keep us from conceiving. We did have one m/c (after our first IUI cycle) but they don't even know why that happened either--probably just not a genetically sound embryo. We finally did IVF and that's what worked. It drives me crazy not knowing why we couldn't conceive on our own! Here from ICLW.

Clio said...

I also can relate to the 'nothing'. We've been TTC for over six years and although we did do some exams - which were basically normal, until a few months ago I was scared of going to an RE. I was afraid we would find 'something' really wrong with me. It wasn't the case, we did find the cause, MFI, and actually knowing it empowered me. I'm going through my first IVF, and seeing so many losses all around I am being hopeful but also a little careful. I believe that those who have gone through losses probably have much more trouble holding on to faith and hope.
ICLW

IdleMindOfBeth said...

ICLW

Just said a prayer for your friend as she goes thru this difficult time.

I don't know if it's better or worse to know, as for me, knowing has required 2 surgeries, several months of very uncomfortable meds, and has still leadus to mre questions.

I don't know that I'll feel "better" about IF until I'm a mom, of a real, live, take-home baby.